Has respectful behaviour around the dining table been lost in the mists of time? Melissa Blease calls out poor table manners, including slurping, finger licking, loud talking, and (sin of sins) grabbing food from others’ plates.
According to global hospitality data analysts SevenRooms, 34% of UK consumers dine out three times a month on average, with those aged between 22-29 dining out at least once a week. One would assume, then, that we all know how to behave when doing so? Hmm…
The concept of ‘table manners’ can just as easily be referred to as being sensitive to those around us, and as much of a vital form of environmental awareness as all the big-hitting environmental awareness responsibilities that (rightly) dominate debates across our domestic and social lives. It’s a sad societal observation, then, that considering how our general behaviour impacts on those around us seems to have become a fusty old concept, lost in the mists of time.
When discussing the topic of modern manners, all too many people begin a whispered observation on the subject along the lines of “call me old fashioned…” or “perhaps I’m getting old…”. But why should anybody make excuses for noticing that inconsiderate, impolite and/or downright immature behaviour has apparently become socially acceptable?
For a list of the worst offenders: read on! But it’s probably best not to read this feature while eating your lunch…
Dress codes
Grubby rugby kits, sweaty cycling lycra, filthy flip flops revealing filthy feet, underarm pelt springing out from baggy vests, wet towels still reeking of the swimming pool slung over the back of a chair: they’re all being strutted on the ‘put you off your food’ catwalk going on around us. Oh, and nobody wants to be clouted on the back of their heads by an overstuffed backpack while they’re sipping their wine, either.
Finger lickin’…bad
Slurping, gulping and chomping. Sneezing into hands. Frantically puffing and blowing on forkfuls of hot food. Picking teeth with fingernails. Greedily sucking every last scrap of marrow from bones. Noisy, tonsil-revealing yawns. Belching. Loudly opining, and talking over others who want to join the debate. Scalp (or anywhere!) scratching. Parents who pick babies up to sniff their nappies… yuk! Having digested that list of obnoxious crimes against social intercourse, people who run their fingers through gravy and salaciously lick their fingers could be said to be committing a comparatively insignificant offence. But they’re not; the whole list is downright disgusting – and happening right now, in restaurants across the land.
Greedy pigs
There are people out there – and their numbers are legion – who help themselves to food from their fellow diners’ plates without being invited to do so. They’re usually the same people who refill wine glasses from a shared bottle because they’re drinking faster than the folk they’re supposedly sharing it with and think nothing of asking “are you leaving that?” the moment you put your cutlery down for a break. At the other end of the same spectrum: friends or colleagues who agree to a group dinner date… then order nothing and drink only water; it’s stressful for fellow diners, and rude to the restaurant you’re eating in.
Tech turmoils
The gentle hum of conversation and soft background music that creates the traditional restaurant soundscape is a beautiful thing. So, when you’re taking a break from the chaos of everyday life, why clutter up a calm, clear restaurant table with phones, iPads and charging leads? And why contribute to the cacophony of ringtones, text alerts and – the worst offender! – groups of diners hosting Facetime get-togethers with remote ‘dinner guests’. Change the tech-addicted algorithm, people!
Sprawl (and small) talk
Manspreading males, shoppers who dump carrier bags here, there and everywhere (except beneath their own table), vacant seats randomly pushed into aisles: if you haven’t booked the whole restaurant for private hire, don’t act as though you have.
And although it’s lovely to see cross-generational groups eating out together, letting the kids use the space between tables as a racetrack/hide-and-seek zone, encouraging little people to take over the nearest empty table to use as a colouring-in desk or allowing screaming fits and tantrums to burn themselves out without grown-up intervention (as in, talking quietly to or even taking your screaming child off the premises while the drama is going on) isn’t acceptable behaviour, regardless of how cute the kiddies might be.
Vile vocabulary
There exists, somewhere embedded deep in our collective consciousness, a rather pleasant exchange between restaurant customer and waiting staff that begins with “Please may I have….” followed by your choice from the menu. So why the heck have people decided that “can I get”, “bring me” and “I’m gonna go for” are better ways to order? Oh, and by the way: your waiter is not your “love”, “darling” or “mate”… and neither they nor your dog should be expected to respond to a finger snap.
Bad bookings
If you make a booking for a restaurant, you either honour that reservation or let the restaurant know that you can’t make it… simple, right? Apparently not. A survey recently published in The Caterer magazine revealed that the number of consumers not showing up for their reservations hit a record high in 2024, with 17% of guests failing to honour bookings or inform venues in advance that they need to cancel. The result? A whopping £17.59 billion in lost revenue for the hospitality industry, not accounting for the additional cost of wasted food, wasted staff and a negative effect on staff morale.
Antisocial media
Everybody makes mistakes – and the vast majority of restaurant owners want to correct mistakes as soon as any hiccups are detected. If the problem concerns a particular dish, raise the issue as soon as you encounter the problem, not when your plate is clean. And if you have a problem with any part of your experience, raise it quietly and courteously, with the manager of the restaurant at the time, not on a public restaurant review site or your social media channel the next day.
You might not be dining with white napkins and silver service when you visit a restaurant, but if there is a moral to all this, it’s that reclaiming respect for dining etiquette would improve the experience for everyone.
Restaurant staff: help us out here!
Weary Ways
Working front of house can be stressful for all manner of reasons. But please don’t make it even more stressful for customers by letting us know that you’re tired, sick of your job or more interested in texting your mates than serving us.
Coming, ready or not
“Your food will arrive when each dish is ready”. Okay, fair enough if we’ve ordered mix’n’match tapas. But even then, the onus of ensuring that dishes are served hot and freshly-prepared is the responsibility of the restaurant kitchen, not the diners – and few people want plates of vegetables to arrive 10 minutes before their steak, or somebody’s starter to arrive when somebody else is mid-way through their main course whether we’ve ordered a Small Plate feast or an a la carte spread.
Checkity-check, quickity-quick
When it comes to the check-back (you know, “is everything alright with your meal?”), maybe hold back on asking the question until we’ve had time to eat at least a couple of forkfuls of food. Also in this category: please wait until we’ve drunk at least two-thirds of the wine in our glasses before refilling them from the bottle we’re sharing; we’re pretty much all au fait with the concept of the upsell, and feeling rushed is never relaxing.
Top Tip
Please don’t hand us the card reader with the barked request “would you like to leave an additional service charge?”… especially not when the menu has made it clear that service charge will be added to our final bill unless we request it to be removed. And please don’t stand at the table while we discuss this – the pressure can have a negative impact on our generosity.